More than 40 years ago, archaeologists discovered what appeared to be a hunk of scroll at the site of En-Gedi, an ancient Jewish community in modern-day Israel. The fragment was charred and crushed, and every touch seemed to hasten its disintegration. There seemed to be no way to open it without destroying this 1800 year old scroll. UNTIL… read about this incredible technology that read the scroll without opneing it! CLICK HERE
As Yom Kippur approaches one must make amends for having offending others. G-d will not forgive a person until they ask their offended friend for forgiveness (Yoma Mishna 8:9).
But what if that person was offended by something that I totally did not mean? They are talking emotions and intentions into my words! Am i responsible for their feelings?!
When we say, “I am sorry,” we are making a statement about ourselves – I am remorseful, I regret my actions, and I hope not to repeat them.
But an apology is not just about you and your feelings. It is about the person you hurt. You don’t apologize just to absolve yourself from guilt, but more to acknowledge that you are the cause of someone else’s pain, and take responsibility for it.
This means that even if you are completely in the right and really did nothing wrong, even if the other person misinterpreted your words or actions, even if you did nothing to regret, nevertheless if someone else is hurting you need to apologize for that.
Only G-d knows who is right and who is wrong in your case. But we all know who is hurting. So we need to be big enough to apologize.
But beware. If you say, “I am sorry for any pain you felt,” it will come across as empty words, as if he has a problem. You need to arouse true feelings of empathy for them, and real regret for your part in what happened by putting yourself in their shoes. Shanah tovah!
When you are engaged to be married there are two types of doubting you may have regarding if you have found the right one. One is an alarm bell that should not be ignored! The other is a sign that you have made the right choice…
The great Kabbalist Rabbi Levi Yitzchok Schneersohn wrote a letter to his recently engaged son (printed in Likkutei Levi Yitzchok Igros Kodesh p202), explaining that engagement and doubt go hand in hand. The union of soulmates is such a lofty and super-rational event that the mind cannot possibly grasp it. Something is at work that is beyond our understanding and therefore there is always an element of doubt.
This doubt is not an indication that you have done something stupid. On the contrary, it means that you have touched a level that lies beyond the confines of the human mind. Finding your soulmate is such a miracle, our logic cannot process that it is really possible, that it is really true, that I have found the one for me. This wonder is a kind of positive uncertainty – Is this for real? I don’t believe this is happening to me!
So the fact that you feel unsure may be a good sign, indicating that you have been touched by the hand of G-d, and are left in wonder that it could really be so good.
Menachem Mendel Bluming, Rabbi Moss and Chabad.org