Menachem Bluming muses: Why you can’t find your mate??

It doesn’t make sense. You are a wonderful person with so much to offer. Why are you still alone?

There could be many reasons why someone may find it hard to find a partner. But here’s one possibility. You are not available. You’re already married.

You are involved in a longstanding intimate relationship with an imaginary man, Mr. Right. You have conjured an exact picture of the perfect husband, and you are so in love with that image, you are not open to anyone else. No matter how great the guy is, he can’t compare to your dream.

You have become stuck in a bubble with your imaginary love, and are not open to real people. So you haven’t really met dozens of guys. You never actually meet anyone. You see them not for who they are, but rather for who they are not – the imaginary Mr. Right. For no real man can compare to an imaginary one.

A relationship means connecting with another, someone who is not you. You can’t have a relationship with a figment of your own imagination, or with your own assumed caricature of another person. You need to step out of your own mind with its rigid expectations, suspend your prejudices and really open yourself to meeting someone else on their terms. Let yourself be surprised. Otherwise, the man of your dreams will stay right there – in your dreams.

This is meant to be encouraging. There is a real person out there waiting for the chance to meet you. He deserves it. So do you

Mendel (Menachem) Bluming of Potomac, Maryland and Rabbi Moss