When the prophet Bilaam is forced to bless the Jewish people he says (Bamidbar 23:8) that G-d does not see anything negative in the Jewish people. Rashi explains that when Jacob criticized the rage displayed by Shimon and Levi in destroying the city of Shechem he criticized their anger rather than criticizing them. He saw them as good people just having acted in an inappropriate manner.
When you critique another do you criticize them and invalidate them or do you question their deed?
It often makes all the difference in whether they feel annihilated and defensive or (hopefully) appreciative for the helpful guidance.
Rabbi Mendel (Menachem) Bluming Potomac Maryland